January 2010
“Excuse me. You don’t teach a child that age about rape.”
– Random and otherwise normal-looking woman, apropos of nothing, to me, my wife, and 13-month-old son, in a Central Park playground.
Rep: OK, I’m going to transfer you to Customer Solutions.
Me: Is that better than Customer Service? Because Customer Service sent me to you.
Rep: They’re a bit better.
Me: OK, great.
Rep: [transfers]
Voice Menu: Welcome to Customer Service!
CUSTOMER SERVICE: OK, to verify that, I just need your verbal password.
ME: I’m sorry, I don’t know what that is.
CUSTOMER: It’s a word, that you say.
I had been wondering the same thing. At this... →
(via brianvan)
I am prepared to accept hyper-targeted content of this nature. My CTR will be extremely high.
katiebakes asked: Why didn't you LIKE the masterpiece that I commissioned from Brian Van? http://brianvan.tumblr.com/post/355080123/a-visit-from-an-old-friend-requested-by-bakes
Questions Asking Friday.
It is the only day I answer questions. Otherwise it’s Ignoring You And Orders Barking Monday through Thursday (weekend shabbas).
I'm having an increasingly hard time reconciling...
This includes people who share the last opinion. Maybe even especially them. I’ll be first over the edge.
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The charming stalkery persistence of Register.com
Registered a few domains on Friday. Searched a few more. Within 90 seconds I got an email acknowledging the purchased domains, including a discount code for my next purchase. Within 20 minutes I got an email noting some of the domains I’d searched but not bought, including another discount code to insure I didn’t let those unbought domains “get away.” Two hours later I...
SAINTS
Bitches.
paulbrady asked: What's your one-sentence review of The Standard Grille?
fek asked: why is matt leaving us? :(
Anonymous asked: Do you feel kinship with Conan O'Brien based on your time at Gawker? You could have been part of a Scientology video leak or a Lolcait talent discovery just as much as anyone.
Waiting for the bar
fare-the-well drinks for departing comrade (to Tumblr!) so since I ignored all the other ones feel free to ask something until i can drink. professionally of course. decorum.
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Something About Efficiency
fek:
Qualification of authority, then: Here’s a better way to do something that uses less time and less effort than the way you used to do it, even though the way you do it probably is the best way for you to do it, because, let’s face it, we all have our own particular way of going about things that’s best suited to us. But since I’m someone from the internet, I’m going to assume your way is...
I read this and thought, "No way did his iPhone... →
(via baxterp2)
Dude doesn’t even mention which app saved his life! Oh, but he has plenty of time to be all God God God about it.
BlackBook for Haiti →
bbook:
For every subscription to BlackBook that’s purchased through the end of February, $5 — 25% of the subscription price — will go to the American Red Cross. Will we benefit from this in some way? Absolutely.
Here at BlackBook, we try to keep it (kinda) real. Help us do out part.
Philanthropy y’all
Sorry Facebook friend from High School
foureleven:
drmeg:
I don’t want to become a fan of your new born.
This should be a bumper sticker.
Slightly related — people who I’m Facebook “friends” with asking me to also become a “fan” of them, or rather, a fan of their branded personality careerist shibboleth entity. Presumably my friendship just isn’t enough anymore.
“Yelp pulled my original review of this establishment because I told a funny...”
– community moderation in action
Team counter-intuitive option related to current...
Please Stop Calling Me Chief
Beside the Point Department: why does the NYT keep referring to Haiti’s president as “Haiti Chief”? Seems kind of … odd.
Hiring: Sales Coordinator
BlackBook is seeking an enthusiastic Sales Coordinator to join their team and report directly to the Associate Publisher. This position is dynamic and challenging and will allow the right individual to broaden their skill set and knowledge base. It requires someone that has a passion for Media and a willingness to learn cross-platform, integrated marketing. You will be exposed to all aspects of...
“THIS IS MAGIC. YOU PUT ON THIS HELMET AND NOBODY, BUT NOBODY CAN TELL WHO YOU...”
– sloth unleashed
The retro ad is funny but the copy that comes with — such outrageous lies — just seems so awful and sad somehow, like it’s going for the insecurity jugular of every sad little nerd-child who will not ever be the hero of their town. Perfect fodder for Jimmy...
Anonymous asked: Where do you summer?
Anonymous asked: Who's the bigger pussy, Foster or Barna?